Psalm 42

1 As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? 3 My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" 4 These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.

5 Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. 6 O my God, my soul is in despair within me; therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. 7 Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. 8 The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I will say to God my rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" 10 As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, while they say to me all day long, " Where is your God?" 11 Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.

Today I was reminded of my inefficiencies in how I study for school and small group, in what I do with all the sermons I hear, in meeting up with people, in general just doing the things I'm supposed to do. I cant do all that I am supposed to because if I could, what need would I have for the cross? Through my inadequacy I see the complete adequate work of the cross from which I have everything. I've been trying to remember my sin more because I realize I hide it from myself really well by having a bad memory. But when I sin again in a similar fashion than I have before, I remember the last time I did it and the time before that, like being angry with Matt, or being prideful which results in anger with Edmund. Im tired of being sinful guys. I want so much to not be so disobedient to the commands that our great God calls us to walk in, but how quickly I forget the feeling of wanting to obey when I am in a situation where I am succeptible to judging or being prideful. I long for heaven and unhindered fellowship with the God that truely loves us, and a time where we wont be the ones who repeatedly mock Him and act as if we dont know Him.